September 22, 2015

Short Story - Honeymoon!

"Rs.40,000/- per night!!! Don't u think its little expensive?" said jalebi.  She was shocked hearing the room rate as she was going on her honeymoon to an exotic location with the love of her life, laddu.

"but baby, look at the amenities, it is the top room available in the resort. we would have enough space, additional features and discounts in spa, private butler, pick and drop in luxury car etc. I think the money will be justified.". Laddu was trying to pacify the frayed nerves of jalebi with all the marketing tactics he could employ. He wanted to give the best in their HM to her and was looking forward for a super relaxing time.

"you think we can afford it?"

"yes dear, we can."

"alright. if u say so... now, let me finish packing!"

End of discussion, start of daydream. Jalebi saw a kaleidoscope of images of the location/hotel in her mind and the naughty way they would do justice to the room. here, was a girl who believed in the beauty of love and dreamt about all she read about love and art of lovemaking in mills and boon novels. laddu seemed the perfect guy to be hitched to, smart, tall, educated, set her pulse on treadmill speed. 

" Standing near the floor-to-ceiling glass window, soaking the visual delight of the vast blue sea with its golden grained shore, the heartbeat raced as Michael  Schumacher would race his F1 car in the winning lap. The adrenaline pumping made her uncomfortably wet in the moist centre of her being. He came up to her from behind and held her tenderly in her arms. She hesitantly kept her head back on his broad chest and lowered her back on his tummy. Most were mesmerised by the way their bodies fit in sync, the warmth radiated between them was comforting and exciting at the same time. He turned her around and looked deep in her eyes, she lowered her eyelids demurely. He coaxed her to look at him and stole a kiss from her unsuspecting lips. He laughed at her sudden widened eyes and then pinched her chin playfully. 
His arm around her waist made her feel secure and loved while her head on his chest made him feel happy and responsible. 
She went up on her toes and rubbed her face against his one day old stubble. Startled, laddu looked upon his bride with raw lust in his eyes. He never expected her to take a bold step so easily given her timid nature, this added fuel to the fire.. She wanted to DO so much, but shyness didn't let her take a step voluntarily. 
Removing the garb of being shy, jalebi raked her fingers in his hair, traced his eyebrows with her nails and pulled his mouth upon hers. Her tongue explored his lips and delved within the inviting warmth of his mouth.. he quickly responded by playing the same and biting her lower lip in a way which made her squeal in delight.. 

laddu started showering a trail of wet kisses from her lips till her tummy. A deep vampirish kiss on her throat ensured nail marks of ecstasy on his back. 

Laughing crazily, she falls back on the soft bed and is instantly bouncing on it like a kid.. Laddu feels the happiness exploding in his chest ! he walks to the bed menacingly, hoping to scare her..  But, jalebi is making all inappropriate gestures,enticing him to the point of madness. The Little Big Guy in his pants is doing a crazy tribal voodoo dance on its own.

The atmosphere in the room is crackling. She sits on the foot of the bed while laddu stands between her legs. Taking their own sweet time, she unbuttons him slowly and pushes shirt away. 
Throes of passion engulf him when he rubs her face on his belly button... Uncontrolled passion leads him to pull her hair up and kiss her senseless. "


"OOOOOOuuuuucccchhhh..........!! What are u doing laddu??"

"Wake up sleeping beauty.  Time to get ready and head to the airport. Our flight is in few hours.. Remember??" 

" Oh.. i was seeing a beautiful and erotic dream... wait till it comes true soon...."


As scheduled, they reached their destination, checked in and loved the place. The tranquility and beauty of the place was worth the flight time, the money invested and time taken off. 

Jalebi's anxiety, shyness and wildness of her heartbeat reached its zenith, anticipating her dream to come true. 

Laddu was lounging on the chair in the patio in a relaxed stance,unknown to the raging fires within jalebi's mind and body. 

She tried to initiate the love making session, but couldn't fathom the lack of interest from laddu's part.

"whats wrong? did i do something which turned u off?"

" nahi, aisa kuch nahi hai.... just need to destress the mind. The wedding and its preparations have taken a toll on me"

"But, Aint u happy we are finally together?"

" Yes, Iam very happy. however, can't explain you my mindset as of now."
"SO, what do we do now?"

"lets just enjoy the vacation and let things be spontaneous"

"my dreams, my longing of being with u , my fantasies????"

"i Promise to fulfil it all in due course of time....."

She Said YES ABHI..... and he says ABHI NAHIN!

June 16, 2015

newbie daughter-in-law's veggie shopping experience!






mother-in-law hassled with the vegetable lady in a shrill voice, " how much for the karelas? 100/kg? aiyyo... its too much.. 80 should be fine!!"...

the newly wed bahu stood dutifully behind her to learn the tactics of the most important shopping a lady endures on a daily basis.. she was trying to control the peals of laughter bubbling within her while she glanced the interesting scene around her. lots of people were walking with bulging bags of colourful veggies and trying to sort good products from not to so ones, with their free hand!

its an art to learn how to run a household and its vegetable requirements.. it sounds floozy at the moment but too many permutations and combinations are needed in order to stock your fridge with healthy stuff and not rotten goods. In a big family, the choices/tastes are different and hence, one may consume abc veggie and the other may not.. !

the daughter in law was like a management trainee in a new corporation. she had to unlearn her learning and imbibe new organisation culture and learning.. the manual instructions include mother in laws instructions! The chef's requirements! the household staff helping and aiding u on how to select a better looking vegetable and so on... Its always advisable to ask your driver to hold the bags while u shop in a sabji mandi..

as she contemplated the pricing of a big supermarket v/s sabji mandi v/s weekly neighbourhood bazaars, She was thrown the most potent weapon to tackle.. " the rates are higher on a amavasya"..LOL!!

Am sure, this trip is the HIGHLIGHT of any self-respecting household stree's daily routine.. :P

Caution : please buy your stuff with a calm mind.. or else u will have to return back to stock up your dhania.. tamatar and nimbu !! ;) 

June 12, 2015

My views on what maketh a lady!

God is very mischievous.. he provides few things in abundance but pulls out one major thing.. for example: middle class people might have too many family values,love and so on..but need to struggle for their existence! (am not being racist of anything like that).. For me, it was classy stuff like, having too much money to buy clothes but can’t fit into anything!!
this dilemma has been dogging me since doggy years.. the precise reason i DETEST apparel shopping.. however , my “weight” issues never posed a hindrance for my personality growth.. who says a woman with generous curves cannot be confident enough to face the world? should she be veiled under anonymity?
surely, the world judges you on your physical attributes first.. and as they say,naughtily, SIZE matters.. lol!!
at the start, its cute when random aunties pull your cheeks and say “aww baby, so cute”. after passage of time, the same ladies,with their panties in bunch, make comments about the impending marriage, how clothes should be worn, how to behave etc while imparting any nonsense they know about shedding the skin, just like a snake would do!
no one would want to look ugly, wear ill fitting clothes, tolerate the unsolicited advices and still smile despite all this. It isn’t a lifestyle, but merely a hurdle of your physical attribute. Some can be due to genes.. some due to irregular hormones or lifestyle..! this can be corrected or at least kept in check if the person does something for it.
Crash diets.. weight loss pills.. lipo..gymming..baba ramdev..green tea.. etc are the most commonly heard “crash courses” by over enthu gyaan gurus. The reality being that every body’s metabolism reacts differently. what may work for a person,might not work for the other. In indian society, if you do not follow “the norm” , you are instantly labelled as a lazy person who doesn’t listen to the good advices.!! gosh!! give it a break guys!
Grey is a beautiful colour. not entirely black nor white. just the right mix.! similarly a personality should have a shade of grey. having the extreme attitudes in a perfect balance. I consider myself to be a great example of this! drink like a bear but pray like a saint. Smoke like a chimney but cook like a pro.. dance till you drop but greet your guests properly… getting my drift?? thats when the perfect balance is achieved. you enjoy your freedom yet are restricted by your values.
Managing human resources is the most tiresome job of being a smart manager. This can be achieved easily by having a beautiful smile always which is juxtaposed with kinds words for everyone around you. This will gain you immense respect and popularity in a short while. I practise what i preach strongly.
being extrovert has its own benefits.! you can walk into any party/event/anywhere and light it up with your exuberance and instantly connect with lots of personnel and build your network. you are never shy to approach anyone and start a conversation. it also makes you independent in your ways of life and gives u the ” LETS DO IT” attitude!
religiously being religious is also an important attribute. Praying and thanking god for the good life you lead is a way of staying grounded and humble. Have faith in any particular god u like, maybe ganeshji, balaji, allah,jesus etc.. and stay calm!:)
3 am friends..phone friends…hang out friends..buddies etc.. har friend zaroori hota hai! truly immortalised by the epic airtel ad.! its essential to be a good friend to someone and having good friends for yourself!  They are your extended family, who love you unconditionally, put up with your tantrums, share your secrets, act as sounding board, your drinking companions, partners in crimes and so on… there are many stuff which cannot be said to parents or relatives but can be ranted out verbally in a colourful language with them.. cheers to a beautiful thing known as friendship ! :) 
wedging your way between irresponsible pedestrians, crazy motorbikers, zooming cars and suddenly some jackass tries to overtake you from a scary position.. what would u do? Abuse in every language every cuss word possible !! :P :P i personally feel, its a therapeutic experience in exhaling the cuss words to highlight the stress points in a conversation or just to show your irritation ! its kinda orgasmic in saying “bahenchod, chutiya etc” with full passion..! lol..
Somras is an awesome invention by our ancestors..! the blissful sleep you get after getting sloshed/high is just right! at times, i feel like gulping down alcohol just to sleep well! the rule of drinking with friends is first peg is voluntary.. second is complementary, third is persuasion and 4th is BC,leke aa!! :P Rum-coke, vodka-coke and watermelon based cocktails are YUM !!!!!!
guess, my buck stops here.. 

May 21, 2015

A Quickie on Retail Therapy :)

Shopping...!! 


This word can raise the blood pressure in men and induce adrenaline rush in women! :)

Variegation in the purpose of shopping can be attempted to be listed as follows :
Window, blowing parents' money, retail therapy, aivehi, spur of the moment, too much money,budget etc..

Online shopping definitely has advantages but the charm of scouting stores physically and "checking out" stuff is a sport in itself..
you can hog to your heart's content, bitch about the heat with others, feel accomplished (as if u have won the olympic medal), crib about the traffic and parking slots etc.. Makes life worthwhile!

The usual dialogues that u need to learn and practice in order to be a shopping pro are:


Shopper:


  1. bhaiyya, yeh/woh wala dikhana!  ( wasting time and energy of the salesman , poor guy)
  2. kitne ka hai?  (curiosity's answer will kill the cat :P )
  3. sahi dam bataye... (just check the price tag attached!! )
  4. DISCOUNT??  (she forgot to see the "fixed rate board")
  5. maal to thik hai na?  (he is selling u china maal...beware)
  6. pichle dukanwala was giving at xyz rate!!  (why don't u go back and buy it?)

Shopkeeper:

  1. ekdum naya maal hai.. ( just transfered from the stock room to the main showroom)
  2. Absolutely single piece made! (salesman knows he has already sold 4 of them)
  3. nahi nahi, fixed rate hai ( will bargain if desperate)
  4. search entire shops, u won't find this rate and quality (buckchodi)
  5. naa aapka naa mera, this rate is final! (premature/final ejaculation of the price :P)
  6. paying by cash or card? card charges extra!! (this is the asterisk of terms and conditions)
  7. here, take this eclair instead of change! (sweetening the tough deal)




hope u liked reading this quick take on shopping.... feel free to write your additional views in comments or on my fb post !